“Relationship Evaluation Checklist: 10 Self-Check Questions Once a Month”
Design principle
Based on the Social Exchange Theory and Attachment Theory, the relationship health is monitored through quantitative indicators to trigger active improvement behaviors.
【 Core Dimension 】 Self-check 10 questions every month
1. Communication quality
Question:
How many times last week did our conversations involve “taking turns to speak” instead of “interrupting”?
Evaluation criteria:
Ideal value: ≥3 times per week (equal dialogue)
Improvement suggestions:
During the next video call, take turns to speak using a timer (each person for 2 minutes).
2. Trust and security
Question:
The most recent situation where you were anxious for more than two hours because the other party returned late or didn’t reply to your message?
Evaluation criteria:
Safety line: No more than once a month
Action Plan:
Jointly formulate the “Safety Signal Protocol” (send specific emojis if there is no reply for more than one hour)
3. Emotional needs are met
Question:
How many times have you taken the initiative to express “I need to be recognized/embraced/alone” this month?
Evaluation criteria:
Health threshold: ≥2 times per week
Improvement tools:
“Use the demand card (paper/electronic version), draw one card each day for expression.”
4. Conflict resolution methods
Question:
During the recent disputes, have we at least attempted the “pause – review” process?
Evaluation criteria:
Effective conflict management: ≥1 time per month
Operation template:
When the emotional value is greater than 7/10, the “24-hour cooling-off period + whiteboard review” is initiated.
5. Progress towards common goals
Question:
What were the three small things we accomplished together this quarter? \ “”
Evaluation criteria:
Relationship adhesive: ≥3 pieces (such as growing plants together/completing a jigsaw puzzle)
Goal upgrade:
Set one “micro-adventure goal” (such as trying a new restaurant) next week.
6. Body language synchronization rate
Question:
On your last date, how many times did you unconsciously imitate each other’s actions?
Evaluation criteria:
Intimacy index: ≥5 times per hour
Training method:
Watch past videos, mark the clips with high synchronization rates and imitate them for practice.
7. Time investment allocation
Question:
What proportion of the “exclusive time” have you reserved for the other person this month? \ “”
Evaluation criteria:
Healthy proportion: ≥20% (such as 30 minutes of in-depth communication every day)
Optimization tools:
Mark the “prime time” with a shared calendar and reject external distractions.
8. Personal growth support
Question:
When was the last time you voluntarily provided resources for the other person’s study/interest?
Evaluation criteria:
Mutual assistance index: ≥1 time per month
Action List:
Establish a “resource exchange library” (You teach ta photography, ta teaches you programming)
9. Positive experience frequency
Question:
What are the “little happy moments” you have created together this month?
Evaluation criteria:
Happiness baseline: ≥10 times (such as sharing jokes/morning coffee ceremony)
Memory reinforcement
Record one “Best snippet of the Day” before going to bed every day.
10. Improve spatial recognition
Question:
If the relationship is the battery level of the mobile phone, how many points (1-10) would you rate it now? What is the function that requires the most charging?
Evaluation criteria:
Warning line: ≤6 points require the activation of the emergency repair procedure
Diagnostic tools:
“Use the SWOT analysis method to break down the weaknesses (strengths/weaknesses/opportunities/threats) of the relationship”
【 Accessory Toolbox 】
1. Relationship thermometer
Visual tracking: Build a dashboard with Notion and update 10 metrics in real time
Early warning mechanism: The “Relationship First Aid Kit” is triggered when the three indicators are below the threshold.
2. Dialogue Restart Protocol
Crack the awkward silence: When the conversation is stalled for more than 5 minutes, use the preset topic card (such as “What was the most unforgettable birthday present in your childhood?”) )
3. Cultural Adaptation Guide
Key points, taboos and minefields in cultural background assessment
In North America, the need for personal space should avoid excessive emotional exposure
The strength of family bonds among Latinos avoids criticism of independence
The collective harmony degree in East Asia avoids direct conflicts
Compatibility of religious values in the Middle East prohibits the extension of gender issues
“Behavior Reinforcement Mechanism”
Monthly Relationship Review Meeting
The improvement effect was analyzed using the “STAR Model” (situation – Task – Action – Result)
Commitment fulfillment tracking
Record the commitment completion degree (such as “Completed 3 in-depth conversations this week”) using the Habitica gamification APP
Peak Experience Design
Set a “Relationship Restart Day” on the last Sunday of each month (disable electronic devices + outdoor activities)
Ultimate mental method:
The essence of regular assessment is “deconstructing the emotional equation with scientific indicators” – just as a fitness coach adjusts the training plan based on body fat percentage data, your relationship also needs a “health scan” once a month.
